Life is challenging sometimes.  The ups and downs, good days and bad,  dreams achieved and dreams shattered.  With my deep faith and my "glass half full" personality, I have been able to teach myself how to cope with the lights and darks of life.  You know, the "big things".

 I was never one to cry when dropping my child off for his first day of kindergarten.  I think I was the only one who came out of the theater after seeing "The Passion of the Christ" with dry eyes.  My feeling is that when people say, "Oh you are going to ball your eyes out," I immediately think to myself, "that's what you think." .......and I start to build what I call "the wall."  If someone has told me that I am supposed to cry, then by golly, I'll show them that they are wrong.  If you are a "40 something" woman, then you know that once the waterworks start, there ain't no stopping it.  I'm talking about red nose, red eyes, snotty face..... pile of mess.  If "the wall" isn't up and the tears start, you might as well get out a box of kleenex and 2-3 advil and plan for a nap afterwards.  I have become very very good at "building the wall."  Even pride myself on being bluntly realistic.  Can state the facts with no problem.......if I know the facts.  It's when those "facts" are blurry or you are caught off guard that the wall becomes impossible to construct, much less stand.

The past few weeks and months have been like that.  Close friends, family with terrible terminal illnesses.  My son's "senior year" and leaving the nest.   Moving from the home we lived in for ten years where wonderful memories were made with my children and our neighbors.  The kinds of events that I can "handle" because I know what is going to happen and what to expect.  Wall built.......stating reality as it is..........moving on with glass half full.  That's me.   It's when the unexpected happens......you get the call that a wonderful friend has died.  You get a picture on your phone of a man you hardly recognize because chemo has been so cruel to his body.  You hear about families splitting apart and you wish you  could just rewind time and put them back together.

Right when I have the wall built and everything under control, God once again reminds me that I don't and I will NEVER have everything in a nice neat box.   Mothers have a special unique way of doing just like Mary,  the mother of Jesus did........."but his mother treasured all these things in her heart." (Luke 2:51)  I can think back over the years and have glimpses of times that I am positive only a mother can have.  Glimpses of dropping a screaming son off in the cradle roll class at church, only to open my eyes and realize that we are attending our last Sunday service before he leaves for college.  Glimpses of making a crying son get out of the car to go to a much dreaded football practice, only to open my eyes and realize that God had a plan going on even then.  Glimpses of pictures and notes written to "Jesus" in HUGE writing  by another son, only to look around at him backing out of the driveway in the car.    These are the unexpected times when there is no "wall" big enough or strong enough. You don't really mind the kleenex and the Advil because you ponder these moments.  They hit you when you aren't quite ready.  But you close your eyes and treasure these moments because that's what Moms do and they always will.