Living with "Weak Eyes."

 If  you know me well, you are aware of the problems that I have had with my eyes since the day I was born.  I was born with crossed eyes.  I'm talking crossed to the extent of totally touching my nose.......both eyes.  Not just one eye, but both eyes.  Now there is a theory about why this might have happened.  When my mom was pregnant with me she was taking dinner to someone and fell while walking down a hill in this other lady's yard.  Supposedly, that might have caused my eyes to cross.  I don't believe this is how it happened.  I was looking though old family pictures one day and discovered that my great grandmother had severely crossed eyes.  I remember thinking how sad it must have been to have crossed eyes in the days before eye surgery or corrective glasses.  For most, the picture might look funny.  For me, it was sad.  But, it did provide the answer that I was looking for........my crossed eyes were not caused from my mom falling on a hill but were most likely genetic.

I have heard several stories thoughout my life but two specific stories are always told  about how people reacted to my eyes.  One has to do with the time my mom took my sister and me to the grocery store.  My sister loved me and had probably gotten used to the way I looked but she got a little defensive when two little boys pointed and laughed at her baby sister.  The story goes that she said to my mom, "We don't care about her eyes.......we love her anyway."  The other story has to do with the time my mom took me to have my baby picture made and the photographer went to drastic measures to rearrange me on the blanket so my eyes wouldn't show.  Ummmm.....that didn't go over too well with my mother.  She instructed him to take the picture with my entire face showing.....crossed eyes and all.  Thank goodness she did because I was a happy and beautiful baby, if I do say so myself.  When I was old enough to start looking at the songbook at church my mom noticed that I was turning my head and only using one eye to look at the page.  At this point in my young life I already wore glasses to straighten out my crossed eyes but now my mother noticed that I had a "lazy eye."  Diagnosed as ambliopia.  At this point I started wearing a patch over my strong eye which enabled my "lazy eye" to get stronger.  My mother also took me to eye therapy several times per week to work with a sweet lady to increase my eye strength.  We would go down to Baptist Hospital to the MidState Medical building and see Mrs. Peeples and then go walk around the drugstore in the lobby.  It was a big, I mean a HUGE deal, when I got to go to Milams Optical to get new glasses.  Major day for fashion.  When I was a little older I started to get a little paranoid about my eyes when we would go swimming.  My glasses helped straighten my eyes but when I took my glasses off, not only could I not see but my eyes would cross.  Not good at all for a young girl who wanted to look good at the swimming pool.  My first "muscle" surgery was when I was in the 3rd grade and my second was in the 8th grade.  By the time I got to college and my right eye was starting to get "tired" again.  I'd pass my roommates in the hallway of the dorm and they would immediately know if I didn't have my contact lens in because I would only recognize them by their voices.  Couldn't see two feet in front of my hand.  My friends would say "are you getting tired?" when my eye started to draw in.  The worst was when I started teaching school and I would ask a student a question and they would turn around to see who I was looking at.  I was definitely NOT focusing.  So, before my wedding in 1992, I had my 5th surgery on my eyes.  During college I was lucky enough to have the prelasik surgery called "radial keratodomy."  After this surgery I had 20-20 vision.  I'm telling you, it was a dream come true.  I'm not kidding.  One of the best days of my life.

"Oops, you shouldn't hide those pretty eyes."

"I'll smile prettier if you show my entire face."

There are so many lessons I have learned about myself because I have had "bad eyes" for most of my life.   I know that my ears are ultra-sensitive.  I can remember almost everything I hear.  Ask anyone, I remember trivial details, words from songs, entire conversations with no problem.  I can also decipher "mumbles under the breath" with great accuracy.  While I'm not "good at remembering faces" I am extraordinary at "remembering voices." This is probably because when I was very young I developed the ability to smile at you and then listen for your voice to determine who you were.  Back in the day, this was not considered "special needs" but it might be today.  At the time I didn't know I was learning this lesson, but I learned to depend greatly on people helping me to see what I needed to see.  My sister was constantly "watching out for me" when I was walking along usually stepping in holes, missing curbs, and of course, not knowing who certain people were.  This continues to today, only now my really good friends and my husband can read my expression which says, "Nope, not registering."  So I have a whole host of helpers now.  By the way, I take my turn at using my talent of remembering all things auditory to help them out on occasion.  One last lesson, which I feel is the most important, is that I learned a long time ago to laugh at myself.  To not take myself too seriously.  If I had gotten my feelings hurt everytime I tripped over something, ran into a sliding glass door, or mistook someone for someone else, I would be down and out all of the time.  It's so much easier to just laugh and go on, although my Dad and Husband stopped laughing long ago at my driving mishaps.  My "problem" isn't a new one.  I don't remember how old I was but for some reason I read this passage in Genesis 29:16-18.  It was just three little verses and very few words but I remember the smile I forced on my face while feeling the pit in my stomach, "Now Laban had two daughters, the name of the older was Leah and the name of the younger was Rachel.  Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful.  Jacob was in love with Rachel."  Well, I determined that day, above all days, that Leah was just as beautiful as Rachel and I would be too.  Thank God for parents, friends, sisters, and a husband who have validated that beauty since the day I was born with my weak eyes.  And by the way "YOU ROCK, LEAH!!!!"