Gracious Uncertainty...... It's a phrase that was mentioned this morning at church. Why was I fixated on it. At the age of 48 I find myself reflecting on the oddest things. Sometimes I wonder why certain things didn't work out in my life and why other things did. I look back and think about all the time and money wasted on things that seemed so great at the time, only to look foolish now. There are lots of things that have gone by the wayside that I used to put great importance on. I used to get a kick out of going into my parent's house and finding my dad sitting in his recliner staring at the ceiling. No TV on, no book in his hand, no music on the stereo, just staring in silence. He was just pondering. Just thinking........just reflecting. Oh my, I am becoming that. I pretty much see lessons and reflections in most every event. Perhaps this is why I was fixated on this phrase, Gracious Uncertainty.
The other day my husband and I were watching an episode of "Bonanza" while eating breakfast. The episode is playing out on the TV but in my mind, my Spirit is taking me back about 25 years. 1988. It was a time when I was fresh out of college and working and figuring out what I was going to do next. It was a time of break up between myself and a white collar boyfriend. It was a time when the expectations, in the area I grew up in, were high. Jobs were good, income was plentiful, people were collecting lots of different things to put on their bookshelves and in their garages. It was a time of Snow Babies, Precious Moments, Fur Coats, Florida condos, boats in the garage, and fancy first impressions. For me, I was a teacher on a limited salary who spent a lot of time on Saturdays watching episodes of "Bonanza" and whatever else happened to be on cable TV. I remember watching as the Cartwright men worked the Pondorosa and fought the "bad guys." I loved how they treated all women with respect and I loved how "Ben Cartwright, the dad," demanded certain things out of his boys. Hard work, fun times, dinnertime all together when "Hop Sing" said it was time. Most viewers loved "Little Joe" because he was so handsome, but I loved the strength of the middle son, Hoss, the gentle giant. He could carry anything and anyone on his back and whistle while doing it. He could also walk into the saloon and "wipe up" every man in there with no problem. I distinctly remember telling my cousin, Vicki, that I was going to marry someone like Hoss, strong and gentle. It also helped that Hoss was the "middle child" and I always always always have a soft spot for the "middle child."
Gracious Uncertainty.......... I don't really remember praying specifically that God would send Hoss to my life, but I do remember that I knew what I was looking for. Someone who respected women, who was big and strong, and someone who was a gentle giant. It wasn't a concious search, per se, but that is just what appealed to me. Pure and Simple. In 1992 I married my friend and life partner and we started "life" together, through thick and thin, good and bad, but mostly good. Now fast forward to last week, watching the old, non HD version of Bonanza. I'm sitting there watching, haven't thought about my "Hoss" obsession in a long long time and my mind is taking me back 25 years. Let me just say right now that I prayed and prayed for healthy children, but I also must confess that I prayed and prayed for at least one baby girl. I wanted to dress her in smocked dresses and leather t-straps and have huge bows for her white blonde hair. She was going to take piano lessons starting at age 5 and have every Barbie doll known to mankind. Gracious Uncertainty......... there it is again. God, in his great wisdom, and because He probably remembered those Saturdays when I would sit in my small apartment and admire the Cartwright men, saw fit to bless me with three boys. He gave me my own "Pondorosa" full of boys. He gave me a "Ben Cartwright" who sees to it that these boys know how to work hard and then laugh around the dinner table. He gave me strong gentle giants who respect their mother. (He forgot to give me a "Hop Sing" but that's OK.....that's where I fit in.)
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18
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